I think it's cool that everyone has their own personal bubble. Not only is the image of everyone walkin around with a bubble around them visually adorable, but I think the whole concept of letting only certain people into the bubble makes those people so much more special. Think about it, if someone in a tram came and sit right next to you while the whole tram is empty, don't we start becoming wary of the person? Or we're forced to let unknown people into the bubble when we're stuck in a packed tram. and we don't like it, we can't wait to get outta there;because there's also an invisible sign after a certain boundary that reads 'Authorized Personnel Only'.

So that makes the whole idea of hugging even more special. The act of hugging, invites people into the bubble; the action itself is to draw another person into your very own bubble; welcoming. So a hug says what we don't let out through words. The first time, it's a personal invitation. and then, it's an indication of your closeness, how comfortable you are with the person, how much you miss them after so long, how much you just wanna squeeze some love into or out of. Of course, it's not always mutual, you could be ready to accept a person in while the other person is still not as acceptant of you. That's when the hugs are weak and squeezeless. Either that or they just need to eat their breakfast in the morning for a jolt of energy the rest of the day. I love hugs, anyone who knows me, knows that, at least. I love the fact that body language communicates so much. the idea of it just make us humans seem so vulnerable, dont ya think? like, we may think we're concealing our emotions or true intentions or whatever, but what we do and how we react reveals it all. a person may act all tough on the outside, but there could be some hidden pain there that you can actually tell if they're alone; there'll be a sorrow in their eyes and the way they react when they see something, like an old grandfather's clock or smth, that holds dear meaning to them. you see their weakness; their vulnerability, and just how fragile we all really are. every hero needs another hero. It just makes the mask seem so transparent.

Maybe that's why some of us believe in God. To hold to the belief that there is something or someone there, bigger than us, controlling the forces of nature. Because all of us need saving. and it's just nice to know that if we do enough good, or if we give enough, there's hope-- there's a chance. Hope is for the hopeless? Neh, hope is for those who are humble enough to come down from their high horse and admit that life is so much bigger than we are.

What really, is the nature of our forgiving? I mean, do we forgive because we want to, do we forgive because we have to, do we forgive without realising it, do we forgive even if it's not wanted, to we forgive if we're not forgiven? They say that not forgiving someone, and keeping the grudge really just kills you on the inside. shuts you down, keeps you away, detaches you. because that anger you carry is a wall between you and any person that wants to get closer. And honestly, no self-respecting person is gonna stick around to break that dumb wall, while consistently being pushed away. Everyone has a limit-- a person eventually breaks and moves on. And there you are, still stuck with your wall as you refuse or fail to forgive. If you ask me, if you're apologized to, forgive but don't forget-- because shame on you if you're fooled twice: learn. If you're not apologized to, try as hell to forgive the person anyway, or you'll hold yourself back, unable to enjoy what true joys life has planned for you. and yes, i'm sure life has one or two in store. my point is, not forgiving really, in the end, lets the others win;because while they're enjoying their asses off, here we are, holding on to dust, our tears disguised with the rain. So. forgive.. and for god's sake, get over it.

      "Nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesnt is lying. But here's the truth: sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes, change is everything."

i cannot help but roll my eyes.

i mean, seriously?

i was groaning to my mum bout how first day back and ma chem teacher already pressuring us bout exams and revision and "this chap's imp"..."you should revise this".. and i'm trying to listen while imran and akil are next to me sharing some kinda inside joke and then laughing at me. haha. and i was complaiiinnninnnn( cuz ma mum's the only one who'll listen and not hang up) and she went like "you kids ah..shouldn give u all an easier life la, last time got 11 subjects ure ok and now 5 subjects only, you complain so much." haha. which is, true. :P and i missed class this mornin, damn pissed laaaa. i realli made an effort ok, set my alarm, slept early, packed all ma stuff. too bad i had to dream i was a member of Heroes and me and the other Heroes were trying to defeat Sylar and hunt him down and weaken him. and there was this one part i turned into a fox. and we had to hide from being hunted by an eagle. and there was this girl who could do some fire thingie and i was warnin her to stay with us and then sudd a few scenarios later she was being conned by Sylar( cuz she was sick of being restricted in her life or smth and he was promisin her a better life). and then i woke up. too busy saving the world to attend Lit, it seems. lol. we're doing Shakespeare now. Which takes me like 10 minutes to read one page cuz on one hand, we have to read the script and then read the side of the page which translates Shakespeare's flowery words. aiyo. actually i hate updating my blog la. cuz it means i'm supposed to be doing something else, but i'm not. ahh.

am being hit with a wave of nostalgia. missing all you people back home. i think it's all these slow, sappy songs i've recently downloaded. or all these stupid psychological books i'm reading for my EAP-- it's making me think. haha. i guess the only thing i take comfort  in is being home in, as counted by Cherishey, 8 weeks. but then again, in that 8 weeks, i'll have to go thru a whole mountain o work. i guess you guys are my rainbow at the end of the rain, then. lol. (: huggs.

was lookin at the wall of pics i put up in my room. just sittin there on ma bed, me starin at the pics and the people in the pics starin back at me. been doin alot of self-reflecting recently. as usual, i am getting nowhere in understanding me. i think i need someone to do that, then explain to me. or maybe i'm just letting this emptiness get the better of me. i don't think i've given myself the chance to really break out from everything that makes me comfortable to truly let go. you know wad,i have to snap out of this. shake it out. jump about.

'The Holiday' is the best show ever. well, not ever, but one of the best.

i think i know what i need. closure, that's what. 'as a new door opens, we close the ones behind'. that, and i need to readjust my biological clock.

 "    Listen, I know it's hard to believe people when they say, "I know how you feel"; but I actually know how you feel. You see, I was, um, seeing someone back in London. We worked for the same newspaper and then i found out that he was also seeing this other girl, Sara, from the circulation department on the 19th floor. Turned out that, he wasn't in love with me, like I thought. What I'm trying ot say, is... I understand feeling as small, and as insignificant as humanly possible; and how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new hair cuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends -- you still go to bed every night, going over every detail, and wonder what you did wrong, or how ...you could have misunderstood. *voice chokes up* And how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you could even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.*sigh* and after all that-- however long 'all that' may be-- you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who'll make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted... that will eventually begin to fade. "

Bart: So, Mr.Burns, you're saying my dad has gone insane, thinks he's a God and broken off all contact with the outside world?

Smithers: I told you Simpson was a poor choice, Sir.

Mr.Burns: You know, Smithers, "I-told-you-so" has a brother-- his name is "Shut-the-hell-up"!

i HAd to laugh at that. ahaha.

i'm bored bored bored. it's a friday night, ma brain refuses to do any work anyway. its friday night, we should be out. it's friday night. heeelllooo.

bla. i jus need some company. and cherish is out wit her boy, li min's not here, charlez is MIA, dan is afraid of the rain, donn and all are out clubbin. i would go, if not for this idiot ankle and stupid doctors who think they're too imp to stick around for more than one day a week to do a crummy xray and ultrasound, and make their time so impossible for students who actually attend classes to make appointments. ok, rambling.
jus need to see human faces(apart from ma bro). i mean, isnt it totally meaningless? how much entertainment can people get from the damn TV. and internet. don't you think it's getting to a point where we are slowly moving away from human interaction. like. what kind of meaningless existence is that anyway. we're turning to the virtual world so much we might just disconnect from reality. and maybe its good, maybe some people need it as an escape. but.. ramble ramble ramble. as you can probably tell, i'm just typin out whatever bitter things i have to say, that i'll probably take back half of it tmr.  im planning on going vic mart tmr but i dun think i will. i'll miss ma mum too much.

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okay. i've decided...to bake.
really, now, at 12a.m. i'm going to get out ma freakin muffin tray and cream some sugar and butter and make some dam muffins. i just came back from grocery shoppin wit ma bro which i had to drag ma bro to go wit me. yes, at this hour, cuz roast chicken is half-price-- see, i can save money. anyway, i was immensely cheered up, because:

(walkin out of Safeway)
mel: oh no, you kno wad, i forgot, i wanna get smth else.
bro: waaaddd.. nono.. i'm tired la, let's go back.
mel: harrr..awww..cmon la. very fast wan. quickie quickie, jus give me some money and i'll get it. *big grin*
bro: grumble grumble
 1 min later...
mel: yay! i got it! see see, these lil colorful sprinkly stuff that i can sprinkle on the muffins and make it look happy. and it's on offer. *big grin* aren't you glad that with just 5 bucks, you were able to make me a happier person. haha.
bro: *snort*

i'm going to bake now and stop further rambling before i say things i might regret.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe..

you know what, i can't stand it when i see an asian dye their whole head blonde. like, the color of straw. for god's sake, your black eyebrows give it all away. freakin it doesnt even look nice. like. a wannabe. i mean come on. do highlights or smth la. or at least dye your eyebrows and other hairy areas too. *shudders* i'm sorry but i raise ma eyebrows whenever i see one. i'm sorry! i hate it when ppl do that to me, but it's impulse, this one. so er. i'll just look away next time.

anyhoo. it's the weekend! no, the exclamation mark does not suggest excitement-- it's panic. first of all, i have NO idea wad to do for HOI. i have not started ma EAP. i dont even kno when the presentation date is. i'm gonna get back ma results.and soony soon, exams will be here. joy. li min, mel misses you! sniferrooo. no one to go party wit, since cherish cant either(btw, li min's reali easy to persuade, jus go "it's kla, limin, i'll just go alone" and she'll succumb. ngek ngek :P).

i had a dream that night, once again, that we all had to sit for spm, again. that the results i had were only for trials, and we havent sat for the real spm. ahha. can't imagine goin thru the whole prepare-for-spm ordeal again. it's nice just to look back and know that it's over. haha.

oh and just now, as i was innocently walkin back, *trot trot trot*, i saw, a puddle o water by the pavement, an incoming zooming car, and a girl moving back to a corner. before my brain could send its signals to my motor muscles, *splash* and i'm dripplin wet. no, seriously, like those cartoons or comedies or wtv kids see in tv nowadays. and i went like fuuuuccccckkkk and then this dude walkin past just looked at me weirdly. easy for him to stare, he's the one who's drier when the wind is blowing and lil droplets of water are falling from the sky.

and how hot it is again now that it's nearer to summer, wait not really, it's still mid of spring. isnt this the time when the squirrels wake up and the bears come out for food. anyway. my point is. how hot it is now brings global warming to our attention. because really, it's so hot, it's uncomfortable to have clothes on cuz it sticks to the bod, and yet you cant be too shorts+t-shirt cuz it gets windy. geez. melby weather.  there was this documentary on Disc channel whereby the polar bear had to swim so far to reach an iceberg(because its all melting) that he just couldn anymore and had to drown. :( poor polar bear. may u reincarnate as a smart scientist so you can help us find an effective, cheap, alternate source of energy for air-conditioners, heaters and refrigerators.

wells. taz. (:

   I was watchin Oprah today and it was really hilarious.
The whole Oprah studio was filled with single, looking women, and Oprah was on a mission to help these people hook up with guys in the future. So they researched and found 5 top cities with most eligible bachelors. Then they started attempting to understand the male mind, in a sense. The whole studio had only one dude who was attempting to give the male point of view: how women should always make sure that they don't go out lookin like a schlub anywhere they went (at this point, i recalled me going out to Safeway in my sort of pj's.haha) because guys were always looking ("We,men are programmed that way: we'll take looks and go 'Makeover, Hot, Makeover, Makeover, Great, Makeover Makeover, Great!") , and how women should approach the men and talk bout random things like eg, in the grocery store :"I see you're buying strawberries, do you like strawberries?" because it gives them a point to start off at, and if u start by introducing yourself, it puts alot of pressure on them (geez). and go to places where there are less competition, like sporting areas. And there, basically, feed their ego, play dumb. ahah. the male species. 
   Anyway at one point, some of the females were firing d dude with comebacks, and he went like "Hey, I need some back up here, where are all the guys?". ahah. And in the later part of the show they let like 50 over bachelors in and all the ladies were cheering their heads off, you'd think they'd never seen a guy before. 
   Then they featured this woman who attracted the one of the most eligible bachelors in the US. She went on about loving yourself to attract others. I guess there's some truth there, most low self-esteem people tend to believe all the bad things people say about them because they already hold that perspective. anyway, she said something bout no matter how much you THINK you love yourself, it may just be something you deceived yourself into thinking, because that's what you're told to do: love yourself. But it's the energy you generate, and people can sense that energy subconsciously. And you attract what you emit. So, learn to accept your self, make allowances for your failures and pick yourself up with dignity; don't hate yourself for falling short or being less adequate. And when she was talking, I had an epiphany. A sudden moment of clarity. How i jeopardize my future with my past transgressions.

   And no, i'm not being chauvinistic. I like the male species. For erm, sexual balances and all that. After all, there HAS to be one other gender to laugh at slash make use of.

joke. :P